


A Peculiar Divinity

by LurkerUnchanged



Series: Divine Intervention [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Again Im probably going to hell for how I portrayed Jesus but Ineffable husbands are worth it., Biblical References, But it could either be that Jesus is too subtle or Crowley's too oblivious at the beginning, Crowley meeting the Lord, For the Idiots to Lovers, Granted they're bastardized, Idk which of the other is right, Jesus trying to play matchmaker but the holy spirit be holding him back, M/M, Self-Indulgent, The Disciples have a Cameo, This became Crowley-centric more than I intended it to be, Unbeta-ed, We fall like Crowley, Which is amusing to me, divine intervention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 03:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19369252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurkerUnchanged/pseuds/LurkerUnchanged
Summary: A story of how Crowley tries to tempt the Son of God. Or alternatively, a story to show that God through Jesus approved of the two husbands ever since a long time ago.





	A Peculiar Divinity

**Author's Note:**

> I need more fics of them during the time of Jesus and since there are only a few fics that centers around the concept I just have to buck up and start making my own.
> 
> This is a rewrite of Oddly Divine as I couldn't bear to delete it but still edited it.

Did you uh ever meet him?" Aziraphale asked, trying not to wince as he saw one of the nails dig deeper into the Son of God's hand.

"Yes," Crowley nodded seemingly unfazed by the gruesome picture before him. "He seemed a very bright [1] young man. I showed him all the kingdoms of the world." 

In hindsight, Crowley dint even need to try to tempt the man. Technically speaking, the entirety of the universe was His by birthright.

Aziraphale seemed to echo his sentiments but still asked a curious "Why?"

Crowley shrugged. Jesus was supposedly human and humans were oh so easily tempted. In the end it couldn't have hurt to try. If he succeeded it would just be another achievement on his part. 

"He's a carpenter from Galilei, his travel opportunities are limited." Which was not entirely untrue but Aziraphale knew it was a barefaced lie. 

 

 

For everyone who ever met the Word incarnate, they would all agree on one thing - meeting Him would always be an odd if not life-changing event. Crowley as he met the Lord incarnate could definitely attest to that.

Contrary to what some have imagined it, Crowley meets Him not at the peak of the mountain, but on the road back down.

The angel who was with the Lord, having accompanied Jesus for the past forty days and forty nights, was recalled, the angel task's of guarding the Almighty having been accomplished. Everything was going according to what Heaven had planned and hopefully through recounting his sacrifice on the mountain would inspire the humans to follow as well. Naturally, an entire choir of angels almost followed him back to proclaim the good news but Jesus was having none of it. He however asked the entourage politely to return to heaven in joyous proclamation of what the Son of God has done. Jesus gratefully went down the mountain expecting to be alone or as alone as he could get.

Crowley who so happened to just be at the area,[2] with no angel around to smite him where he stood, and never one to miss an opportunity to tempt, decided to test his luck.

"So you're the Son of God."

"We are all sons and daughters of God." Jesus answered. Jesus turned to where Crowley stood and raised his eyebrow not unfazed at the least by Crowley's appearance. Crowley's snake like eyes were always met with fear and contempt and yet Jesus stared at him without judgement and almost a hint of recognition. 

Crowley could only scowled in return when he finally registered the man's statement and found it to be utter bullshit. Trust the Son of God to talk in metaphors as well.

"Ah yes of course, of course." Crowley agreed although he had no idea what the man meant."But," Crowley spoke in sing-song, "the word down the grapevine is that you,my brother" he said pointing to Jesus and continue "brother is it okay if I call you that since we're all sons and daughters of God and what not, is sssspecial among ussss. You - " 

A loud grumble interrupted Crowley. His eyes widened a fracture of an inch.

Jesus for his part, seemed uncomfortable and was that a hint of embarrassment Crowley saw. It was easy to forget that this Jesus was someone who required sustenance unlike most divine beings do. So He wasn't infallible. [3]

"Terribly rude of me to not offer you something to eat, seeing as that you're er hungry, but you see I don't actually have any food with me seeing as we don't need to eat and all but then again I've heard that you're the sort of man who can feed 5000 people by only multiplying 2 pieces of fish and 5 loaves of bread. It's fairly easy for you to turn these stones into to bread isn't it? So lets not have you starve I'm sure God wouldn't mind you doing a little miracle here and there and then we can continue talking shall we?"

Jesus regards Crowley for a moment and if it wasn't for the fact that the Man's stomach was growling like there was no tomorrow, Crowley would have felt utterly judged and proven guilty for something he hasn't even done.

Instead Jesus looks at him, not bothering to remove Crowley's hands from his shoulders and smiles softly. "Man does not live by bread alone but, by every word that comes from God." With such an answer Crowley thought that this was maybe Jesus' way of saying thanks but no thanks which in hindsight was not as Godly as he expected it to be. 

Although Crowley was annoying Christ with his overly friendly gestures the man didn't even seemed to bothered. And he once more tried to tell him to use his holy powers to save himself from dying of hunger, Jesus refused firmly. Looking at him with as much determination as Aziraphale did when he tried to defend the ineffable plan.

Tempting the untemptable. This was hopeless, Crowley concluded. He removed his hands from Jesus's shoulders and tried to brush his shoulders, acting as if he could catch something from associating with the Saviour. 

"Crawly." Jesus called, snapping back Crowley's attention just as he was about to hightail his way out of the mountain before a cavalry of angels started coming.

"It's Crowley now" Crowley corrected automatically. He didn't have much contact with down below but he wanted to make sure his new name caught on. Jesus ignored his comment for the most part. 

"Your temptation will not come to pass." Jesus said with certainty. They stood a feet apart from each other. The sun had set an hour ago but Jesus exuded a light that made their surroundings clear. Jesus's soft brown eyes seem to glue him to where he was standing and he shifted uncomfortably in his place.

"I knew that." Crowley said, trying to sound nonchalant but was failing. Here, where Jesus stood in front of him, it felt like being judged all over again. And the Son had made it clear that He knew what the demon had came here to do. 

"I figured it couldn't have hurt to try. After all, if it was possible for angels, made supposedly of good to fall, what more than a divine being turned human to resist temptation."

Crowley said with a challenge in his eyes. He was however, internally panicking as he tried to vanish out of the Lord's sight but found that he couldn't. Was he really human through and through?

"I am human, if that's what's on your mind." Jesus said smiling softly. 

Crowley was a demon who knew what lies tasted like when said and Jesus was far from saying a lie when he said his last statement. However things still didn't make any sense. 

"If you are human, how could you have the power to keep me, a demon, in place?" Crowley tried once more to vanish but found himself still in the presence of the white-robed man. 

"You always did ask so many questions." He said.

"Course," Crowley said matter of factly. "How else am I going to confirm if you're here to play around again without quesstioning Mommy's so called Ineffable plan." Crowley said defiantly. He felt years of bitterness rising from inside of him, of the unfairness an injustice to the others who Fell merely because they questioned. 

He continued with hate oozing out of his every word, "She goes spreading lies about loving all her children but drops them the moment we disobey. " Jesus looks at him with pity, Crowley doesn't even notice as his voice rise with anger, pacing all the while with indignation. 

"Dont you think its unfair, for you to be born and to suffer for things you could not control. For what so these humans could what be in His presence once more when she was the one who cast them out in the first place." 

Crowley could never forget the days after his fall. The void in his heart and the cold that easily settled without the Lord's presence. But beyond the feelings of emptiness he had felt the anger and the betrayal of being left unheard after he pleaded to be forgiven and to be accepted back into Her grace after he realized how much he had lost. If the humans had the chance at forgiveness why couldn't they. 

It had taken him a moment to register he had said the last one out loud. Shit. He had forgotten how strong the effect of the Christ would be. He hadn't meant to voice out his concerns. 

"Oh Crowley." Jesus placed a hand on his shoulders in reassurance and he felt guilty for feeling so reassured. 

"It is not yet time for you and it is not my place." 

There was a strong urge to believe what the man had said be he found he could not do so. One of the perks of being a demon, he guessed was the almost paranoid-like suspicion that they now carried. He was thankful that he couldn't just trust the man easily, not after everything that occurred. 

Jesus seemed to see his hesitation. He once again met Crowley's eyes and smiled softly. "In time, you might learn not to put the Lord your God to the test." And there was a finality in his tone that Crowley would have done well to listen to but he couldn't be bothered at the moment. 

The moment the Lord had gone full merciful God on him should've been the moment he left the place knowing his temptation was not going as he planned he did.

Crowley couldn't help but answer petulantly, "A heavy order considering I no longer answer to Heaven's higher up no more." 

At least Christ didn't push his opinions further on him. Honestly with how he was trapped in the presence of the Lord, he was in a humiliating position. The Lord still had his hand on his shoulder, patting him as if he was comforting a child. 

"We all serve the Lord. Your friend would agree."

Crowley brushed off the Lord's hand that rested off his shoulder. 

"Believe what you will." Crowley certainly didn't. 

"Wait, What friend?" Crowley asked. Jesus once again, decided to ignore his question. 

"The question is who?" Jesus whispered, rolling his eyes. Six-thousand years really, have his Father no mercy, Jesus thought Better nudge them along or it might be longer. The Holy Spirit, who was the one helping Jesus keep Crowley in place, reminded Jesus not to interfere. 

"Do you not have any other plans to tempt me, demon?"

Crowley shook his head in response. 

"No. I've done what I could. I've tried tempting you to use your powers for selfish reasons with the turning of stone to bread already. It's not even a want but a need but who am I to argue what kind of acts of devotion the Lord requires. Id tempt to give you the most beautiful woman in the world but I'm not stupid enough to think its on the lists that could actually tempt you seeing as you remain to be good friends with Mary Magdalene who I'm sure was supposed to go down on our side before you came along."

Crowley pondered for a moment. If Christ was asking him to tempt him with something else maybe he still did have his options. Seeing how this guy is so serious about his destiny maybe he could make do for a vacation. Wasn't it a well-earned right at this point with how he's already made his mark in the world.

"How about this , oh savior. I could show you all the good places where you could run off to and lets avoid this whole painful salvation nonsense. I mean you're technically God, and we both know its unfair that you have to be burdened with this task even if you don't agree to it. Do you in particular have to suffer for humanity?"

Crowley snaps his fingers and instantly they are taken atop of the mountain overlooking what is supposed to be a kingdom with lush greenery's overflowing rivers and beautiful buildings with humans all around who looked the picture of happiness. 

"To be a reincarnation of God and yet not being able to enjoy the world as it is, but being burdened by the weight of salvation,wouldn't you want to enjoy the world for what it was instead? Have you ever just enjoyed your creations? "

The man looks at him with pity which Crowley does not understand. He wasn't the one who was about to die saving the world. 

"Crowley, it was my Father who created the world. And I have lived much of my life enjoying it." 

Jesus looked at the place below him and Crowley saw in pride and joy in his face at the view that existed before him. Crowley was sure Jesus had never stepped foot near the lands of Asia. In all honesty Crowley was hoping he could invite envy to the eyes of the Son of God but the look in the eyes of the man was just an open fondness. 

Jesus seemed to have noticed Crowley staring and explained. "I have seen all that I may need to be and there will be better things to come. The Lord may have created the world but it is the people that will inherit it. As I am, it is not mine to enjoy but yours and your companion perhaps."

Crowley rolled his eyes at the Messiah's speech, he knew a losing battle when presented with one. Tempting God's son may very well have been in the top of the list of losing battles.

"Well if you insist." Crowley relented, snapping his fingers, the scene below them shifts. The two suddenly find themselves back in the mountain. 

"Wait, did you just say companion?" Crowley asked. It hadn't gone unnoticed by the demon that Jesus was hinting at the fact that he had other beings to fraternize with when in fact he had none. "Were you talking about other demons because the only way they'd enjoy the world if it would crash and burn. Mind you I don't mind but they aren't exactly as friendly as I am when it comes to people like you and your pariah speeches"

Seeing his confused expression, Jesus chuckles and Crowley is hit with overwhelming warmth that permeates his entire being. He recognizes it as fondness , if only because he cant be bothered to call it love, but it spreads slowly and envelops him until he realizes that he feels as if he's being boiled from the inside out. 

He immediately panics, remembering he can't leave where he stands. The pain he feels is as if his entire skin is being peeled from his form which becomes unbearable for him all too soon. 

"Step away from me!" Almost immediately Crowley is pushed away and the burning eases. The warmth is tempered by distance but he can feel Christ controlling his holy presence effect on Crowley. He thought that just by being basked by all that grace and goodwill could've completely obliterated him but it seems that wasn't the case. For a moment he wonders if Aziraphale had to control his own presence so as not to harm Crowley.

"My Ever-so-curios Crowley. When it is your time, your answers will come. But for now do take care of your best friend." Jesus said, although Crowley suspected it was an order. 

"Now begone." Jesus waved dismissing him, before he could even begin to ask who his supposed best-friend was.

 

 

Crowley finds himself back in Jerusalem in the tavern where he knew Aziraphale would often frequent at. He entered the establishment, thinking he might get some answers from the angel. If not, he still had a few questions in his mind after the conversation and he felt like ruffling Aziraphale feathers so to speak as he questioned the Ineffable plan. 

He pondered on whether or not he was going to what happened between the Son of God. Aziraphale might try to inform Heaven to tighten security if they found out that there were moments where temptation could be presented to Lord. Although it seemed impossible at this point. The other demons could try certainly but he's sure they'll just meet their end if they try with violence if they found out persuasion could not work. 

In the end, he decides against telling Aziraphale if only because the man was excited about what the Messiah was doing over the region. 

 

 

"How was it my Lord." Peter who had waited eagerly for Jesus for days to finish his fasting was among the first to greet him as he made his way back to the place where the disciples had stayed. 

In all honesty Jesus was tired and weary. He had not yet eaten for forty days and nights and the first thing his disciples do was bombard him with questions regarding his trip. He reminded himself that he was here to spread mercy and compassion if only to stop himself from glaring at Peter. John, the darling boy, sensed his weariness and attempted to derail Peter's questions. 

"I've met a demon on the mountain, who tested my faith in the Lord as he asked me to turn bread into stone, and showed me a kingdom by which I could stay if I turn myself away from the Lord. And I said begone for he could not stop me from doing what the Lord has asked me. But forgive me Peter, I am weary and I would tell you everything tomorrow, if you allow me to eat and rest."

Seeing his mistake at not attending to his Lord immediately, Peter told John to hurriedly prepare food for Jesus, by which John had already done so. As Jesus sat and ate Peter told him the rest of the disciples near the Messiah to disturb the Lord and to allow him to rest. 

As soon as Christ was asleep. The disciples had ask Peter about the Lord's journey in the Judean desert and Matthew who listened attentively began to write, unaware of Peter's grand retelling of the events [4]. John, being the supportive brother that he was, decided not to interrupt Peter, sure that Jesus would retell the story to the apostles in the morning.

 

 

Years into the future, the temptation of Christ becomes a benchmark of the Son's devotion to the Lord. The demon who had lived through the temptation is none the wiser of the epic retelling of the events despite his angel having owned several reprints of the bible. He never bothered to touch them as some of them were blessed and other's were just so obscenely long and boring to read.

After the Armagedidn't, the two beings find themselves back in the Crowley's flat. With Crowley lying his head on Aziraphale's lap, simply content to be in his presence. Aziraphale in the mean time begins to reread one of his numerous bibles in celebration of what was written in Revelations not occurring. Crowley's thoughts start to drift to the particular moment where he had met Jesus.

"Angel"

"Hmm," Aziraphale mumbled, engrossed in the book.

"Angel," Crowley called once more trying to get his attention, hoping he wouldn't have to resort to slapping the bible away from his Angel.

"Yes Dear?" Aziraphale closing his book, shifted his attention to Crowley.

"I think we have God's approval." Crowley stated as a matter of fact. 

"Approval for what?" Aziraphale asked confused about what the conversation was about. He neatly place the book on the coffee table near him while Crowley held one of Azirpahale's hand and affectionately pressed his lips to it.

"Us." 

Aziraphale just looked at Crowley as if he grew two heads, and Crowley could but that was besides the point. Aziraphale had always worried about his relationship with Crowley and all along they were already given the permission to be together. Recalling what Jesus had told him, Crowley couldn't help but wince internally at his stupidity. He could've seduced the angel before he had met that Wilde boy and made sure Aziraphale was all his all this time.

Seeing Crowley frown, the angel started brushing Crowley's hair hoping it would relax the demon from whatever it was he was in deep thought about. Crowley just melted under Aziraphale's touch as his hand began to brush his hair. The angel had no idea what made Crowley's thoughts drift to the Almighty and Her approval, She always was a touchy subject for him and he thought it didn't bother Crowley in the slightest what upstairs thought. Heaven knows Aziraphale had taken his time in accepting that what he felt for Crowley was what humans considered to be unconditional love. 

"Not that I doubt what you're saying my dear, but what made you think about this whole approval business. I thought we've already established that we need not look behind our shoulders any more for any approving or disapproving looks."

"Well I'd have you know that we've both been idiots and you see, back in the Judean Desert.."

 

 

\--

[1] Figuratively and literally, this was God after all.

[2] He had heard from a group of 12 discussing that their holy master would not be with them for a few days in order to fast for forty days and nights. Most religious men who went into fasting was 10x more easier to tempt and convert to their side so the demon figured it would be an in and out job. He never expected the holy master to be the actual Son of God up until he actually felt His presence near at this point it was too late to back out. Contrary to popular belief down below, Crowley could commit himself once he set his mind into it. 

[3] Then again, it was easy to forget that He was human as well. Their presence although lidded was achingly familiar in its brilliance.

[4] It was in the book of Matthew were the temptation of Jesus at the wilderness was described so I just had to factor in the fact that it was Peter who was telling the story because he was the original Jesus fanboyTM. Also it was said that Matthew had a fine attention to detail being a tax collector before Jesus found him to repent and seeing as what is written in the Bible is not what happened here verbatim,

**Author's Note:**

> *Cries in despair because I want better writers to write the fanfics I want for me*  
> Also if anyone is willing to beta please pm me. I just want to write GO fics cleanly dammit. Im new to fandom and writing in general okay. T-T


End file.
